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Frisky (and Safe) After 50

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“OK, so we all know you are not going to get pregnant.”

Sexuality educator Jane Fleishman, PhD, sometimes opens with this line when she goes into senior communities to speak about safe sex. It’s her means of attempting to interrupt the stress and clear the air. Sex talk might be awkward at any age, whether or not you’re 15 or 50-plus.

Then she brings out the puppets. However these aren’t the sort you see at a youngsters’s puppet present. They’re made within the type of female and male intercourse organs – a vulva and a penis. That normally breaks the ice and will get fun.

“However then I say, ‘That is actual stuff. You do not need to get an an infection from any individual else,’ ” says Fleishman, who obtained her diploma in human sexuality research whereas in her 60s.

There’s an actual want for this sort of training amongst people who find themselves older, she says. To start out with, sexual intimacy doesn’t finish when an individual receives their AARP card.

About three-quarters of adults 65 to 80 agree that intercourse is a crucial a part of a romantic relationship, no matter age, in accordance with a 2018 survey from the College of Michigan. And greater than half of these in romantic relationships reported being sexually energetic. Males on this group have been about 4 instances extra doubtless than ladies to be “extraordinarily ” or “very ” in intercourse.

One other latest research discovered that 43% of ladies ages 50 to 80 have been sexually energetic previously yr. And 62% have been glad with their sexual exercise. Solely about 28% stated menopause-related signs interfered with their capability to be sexually energetic.

Fleishman needs to be sure that these adults – a lot of whom could also be widowed or divorced and courting somebody new – are approaching intercourse safely, so she begins with the fundamentals. “I discuss mouth to anus, mouth to vulva, mouth to penis, penis to vulva, penis to anus,” she says. “I actually attempt to be as blunt as I presumably might be.”

Simply as importantly, she discusses the necessity for consent and communication in a sexual relationship. “The enterprise of consent is taught to youngsters and to school college students now,” she says. “However no one’s instructing older adults about it.”

Discovering the Gaps

Older adults are far much less prone to get sexually transmitted infections (STIs), in comparison with different grownup age teams. Nonetheless, an infection charges are going up at an alarming fee, specialists say. Between 2009 and 2019, in individuals 55 and older, STIs – together with hepatitis C, syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea – elevated by 4 to 5 instances, in accordance with the CDC.

A part of the issue is a lack of understanding. When researchers examined STI consciousness in adults 65 and older with a questionnaire, they discovered loads of gaps. “On common, older adults solely appropriately answered about 12 of the 27 gadgets, which implies they didn’t know details about STI danger, presentation, transmission, or therapy,” says Matthew Lee Smith, PhD, who led the analysis at Texas A&M’s College of Public Well being.

Health care professionals can present useful training and steerage, however solely to people who find themselves open and sincere about their intercourse lives. That’s occurring extra now than it has previously, says Nicole Williams, MD, of the Gynecology Institute of Chicago. However usually, the dialog occurs too late along with her older sufferers. They’re simply not as keen to speak about intercourse.

“They are not nervous about being pregnant. They’re simply having unprotected intercourse after which coming to me and asking for testing,” she says. “I discover that problematic as a result of they’re getting uncovered to HPV, trichomoniasis, bacterial vaginosis, and different sexually associated infections.”

Cornelius Jamison, MD, makes it a degree to carry up intercourse along with his sufferers in his household drugs observe in Michigan. He does his finest to make the dialog snug and straightforward, however even nonetheless, older sufferers usually have hassle talking overtly about it, says Jamison, an assistant professor within the Division of Household Medication on the College of Michigan.

“It will likely be like the very last thing on the finish of the go to, the place they will say, ‘Oh, and by the way in which, Doc, I used to be questioning, is it doable to get Viagra, Cialis? I’ve seen that they work, and I am having some points.’”

Jamison says he needs extra docs would ask about intercourse throughout customary bodily exams, it doesn’t matter what the age of the particular person. “The will to have intercourse by no means actually goes away,” he says. “Typically suppliers aren’t fascinated with that.”

Let’s Discuss About (Protected) Intercourse

Gynecologist Barb DePree, MD, has observed an enormous spike in courting amongst ladies 50 and up. Relationship apps that zero in on sure age teams could possibly be one cause for that, says DePree, director of women’s health at Holland Hospital in Holland, MI. And the numbers bear that out. Practically 20% of adults ages 50 to 64 report utilizing courting apps or websites, in accordance with Pew Analysis. Whereas that’s not as excessive as the following age group down (38% for ages 30-49) it’s nonetheless quite a lot of on-line exercise.

Regardless of the cause, this spike in courting might do a lot to elucidate the rising variety of STI instances on this older set. As well as, DePree says, many older adults don’t appear as accepting of condoms as youthful individuals.

However safety remains to be vital at all ages when there’s a risk of an STI. The place the penis is concerned, that sometimes means a condom. For ladies, specifically, the vulva and vaginal tissues skinny with age and could possibly be extra prone to infections corresponding to human papillomavirus (HPV), herpes simplex virus (HSV), hepatitis B, and hepatitis C, says DePree.

As ladies age, vaginal dryness is widespread, and DePree says most will profit from a lubricant. However the place condoms are concerned, DePree has a tip: Whereas silicone lubricant is a well-liked selection for postmenopausal ladies, it doesn’t pair nicely with condoms.

“Most condoms will probably be considerably degraded with a silicone lube,” she says. Use a water-based lubricant as a substitute.

However condoms received’t at all times assist. Oral-to-genital transmission can be doable for STIs corresponding to herpes and HPV, in addition to in different forms of intercourse. Ask your physician about methods to guard towards STIs when a condom isn’t doable.

Retaining It Enjoyable

Enjoyable begins with being snug together with your accomplice. And getting snug usually begins with a dialog.

“Speak about earlier STIs, discuss sexual companions, discuss whether or not or not you need to use condoms, whether or not or not you are feeling snug doing sure positions,” says Jamison from the College of Michigan.

“If somebody’s had a hip replacement, then possibly this isn’t the place to do.”

And, importantly, get examined for STIs, says Williams. “I supply that to each one in every of my sufferers, irrespective of how outdated they’re.”

Protected intercourse training, in any respect levels of life, tends to incorporate solely the cautions. Fleishman, the intercourse educator, says it’s vital to speak concerning the joys and pleasures as nicely.

Many adults of their 50s, 60s, 70s, and past uncover an opportunity for renewal, pleasure, and liberation of their intercourse lives. In any case, says Fleishman, “There’s no expiration date on pleasure.”

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